Day 31

CAPTAIN'S LOG

Hi all. Posting this blog from a cell phone as I can't get a decent connection in our hotel today. We've finally made it to the east coast! I'm writing to y'all from Charlotte, North Carolina -- Amy's home town.  Amy and Harper are swimming in the hotel pool as I write this and I'm blogging pool side. I know my entries have been infrequent. Between downloading pictures and composing something interesting (and in today's case, horrible Internet access), it takes a long time to get a post up, and I'm often too tuckered out from adventures at the end of the day to blog. Trying to be smart today and post in the afternoon instead of just before bed.

Hey! The Internet just came back up at the hotel. Blogging from my notepad now...

So y'all are aware I assume of the homo- and transphobic laws passed in North Carolina by the gov and legislature. Among the new rules is a draconian law that says people have to use public bathrooms according to their "birth" gender. People in North Carolina are hecka busting out against this shit! Look at the sign we saw at an indie bookstore in Asheville:

Y'all means all!! Isn't that fabulous??

Then we saw these signs "designating" the men's and women's rooms at a very yummy eatery in Asheville called Biscuit Head. I think the trick here as to be ambiguous about which bathroom is which so everyone has to kind of guess at it. I loved it:

Women's restroom? Who knows? Who cares?

Men's? Maybe kinda?

I made it a point to do my business in both...

So after Austin we drove up to Memphis! Elvis' hometown! I'm going to be a straight shooter with y'all -- I LOVED GRACELAND!! We took the self-guided audio tour there and I felt that it was realy well done. Elvis' house is like a crazy time capsule from the late 60's and early 70's when home decore was NUTS! He even had green shag carpet on the ceiling of one of the rooms in his house (that might have been a bit much -- but I still loved it). We had a red shag carpet in one of the back rooms at the Victorian on Sanchez Street that I grew up in -- I used to make imprints of my hands in it. Groovy!

Another high point of our Memphis stop over was the gaggle of trained ducks that march around the hotel we were staying at. Yup, trained marching ducks. What's next?? We were staying the Peabody Hotel in case you want to google it. As I understand it, for decades they've been marching ducks from their living quarters (I suppose on the roof) into an elevator, and from there across a RED CARPET (yes, they roll out a red carpet for them ducks) to a fountain in the middle of the lobby. The ducks hang out there all day and no one bugs them. Here's a grainy pic Amy took:

The ducks are on the red carpet, just right of center. Ha ha ha!

So we've been to Disneyland and Graceland, but we couldn't say we'd been truly entertained at a theme park until we visited (wait for it...) DOLLYWOOD!!! Who out there loves Dolly Parton? Of course y'all do. You've got good sense.

EXHIBIT D:  Grandma.

"Good sense" is one of my late paternal grandmother's gems (as opposed to "ain't got no sense," which she was also known to say). Most of you know that I lived with my grandma for about six years, starting when my parents split when I was 10. Grandma was old-timey Southern -- from Crowly Louisiana. She was a tremendous cook, she was extremely disciplined, she was physically very strong, and she kept the numerous children that she raised on an extremely short leash. She was a serious badass. I loved her and was terrified of her all at the same time. Here are some of my grandma's most frequent sayings (all of which I've personally adopted -- feel free to use these yourselves should you have occasion):

"More than a notion" -- that's what she often said I was. I think it means formindable, but in a cute and sometimes  annoying way.
"Rubber" -- what she called rubber bands. I would half kill myself trying not to laugh when she was referring to the "rubber" that broke, or the "rubber" that was too small.
"Knocked the props from under you" -- this meant that something put you psychologically off balance, not to be confused with...
"Fell out" -- if someone fell out either (a) they fainted or (b) there had been an arguement (they "fell out" with one another) which usually meant that...
"Church is out" -- this meant the kid gloves came off (as in she called me a bitch and church was out!)
My personal favorite:
"Running me bugs" -- Which means "driving me crazy." Amy says she's never heard anyone but me say "running me bugs," and that she couldn't find anything when she googled it. I told her that's because it's hella old-timey. Grandma didn't make stuff up.

During our big trip to Dollywood, we stayed at Dolly Parton's new "DreamMore" hotel. VERY family friendly and very, very nice -- bunkbeds for kids in the famly rooms! Look at this note staff leaves on the pillows of newly arrived guests:

See how she signed this? "Love, Dolly." She loves me. :-)

We loved Dollywood!! However, the highlight of this stopover that I'll describe is the interaction that we had with Kevin, our waiter who served us our first night at the hotel (really good food, by the way!) Kevin was extremely kind and personable and helpful. He also had crazy eyes. So interacting with him felt just a bit unsettling. (ALL of the staff at the hotel and at Dollywood were extremely kind and sweet -- that is one of the best things about the place. Kevin, alone, had crazy eyes.)  Here is the recipe he shared with us during our diner for authentic cowboy beans:

-Fry you a whole package of bacon. Once it's all fried up, add...
-Two BIG cans of beans (baked or "pork and"). Let them beans hit that hot grease.
-Crumple some of that bacon up on those beans,
-Add you two crumpled up hamberger patties.
There you go!

We WILL be going to Dollywood again. Loved it.

So Amy and Harper have finished swimming and I candidly have to pee. I'm going to therefore wind this up with a bunch of pic's. We are getting very close to the end of our trip but I promise I'll post another blog entry at or before landing time. Until then, live long and prosper.

Excelsior!

Harper getting blown dry after a VERY wet ride at Dollywood.

Tennessee is a "right to carry" state. This sign hung on the door of the Memphis planetarium we visited.

Elvis Presley. Babe magnet.

Kenya Briggs...  babe magnet!

I think the double entendre here is obvious...

Dollywood, yo!

Harper won a norwhal lovie (that's a stuffed fish with a horn on its head) when she chose this duck. We've now got TEN lovies in tow...

We missed a turn so Siri temporarily re-routed us through this back road on the Appalachian trail. Adventure, y'all!

LOVED the Graceland tour!

Me and Amy's little sister. Yup, I'm picking my teeth (I'm sorry Melissa!) Just another classy San Francisco dame...

Bumper cars! Harper is driving and I'm helping a little...